November 10, 2022

The First Holiday Season After Divorce

For divorcing or divorced people and for those separated from their spouse or partner, dealing with holidays can be stressful and lonely.  So in this month’s column I am taking a break from legal issues.  Instead, I have asked several well-known psychologists and counselors, whose work with divorcing families I know and respect, what suggestion they would make to help deal with the emotional difficulties of the holidays.

Jeff Zimmerman, Ph.D., a psychologist, advises that you shouldn’t be alone. “Be with others who can support you.”  Responding to the same question Lauren Behrman, Ph.D., also a psychologist, suggests “Find something meaningful or purposeful to do. Do something that is giving back to others.”

Another psychologist, Beth Karassik, Ph.D, offers another approach.  First ask yourself and take time to consider what you want the holidays to be for you and your family, now and in the future.  Then, when you are clear, make decisions and plans that align with that vision.

Jennifer Luise Champagne, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor, advises that “taking some time for self-care is especially important.”  She also urges that where children are involved both parents should focus on helping them adjust to the new circumstances. It is particularly important to keep the kids out of adult disagreements so they can enjoy the holiday season.

If this holiday season will be your first as a divorced or separated person, keep these suggestions in mind.  Maybe one or more will resonate with you.  Then move forward to find or create the positives of your new situation. 

Thank you to The Cheshire Citizen, which first published this article in the November 10, 2022 edition.

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