Confused afraid and overwhelmed
Confronting and Addressing a Power Imbalance
Basic Facts
Both spouses were close to retirement after a long marriage. Brian was a highly compensated attorney who handled the family finances. Anna, my client, was a school teacher with little financial sophistication and serious health and cognition issues.
Challenge
Brian’s inclination to negotiate the divorce like one of his business deals and Anna’s difficulty understanding financial options and making decisions contributed to the already substantial power imbalance.
Solution/Value Added
I chose, and Anna and Brian jointly retained, a female collaborative financial planner to educate Anna by assessing her post-retirement financial needs and projecting the post-divorce lifestyle Anna could sustain based upon various property division and alimony scenarios. The neutral divorce coach I recommended empowered Anna to make decisions and helped Brian understand that transparency, respect, and patience were in his best interests.
Improving on a “Bad” Pre-nuptial Agreement
Basic Facts
Dennis was a wealthy CEO. Nora was a part time self-employed entrepreneur. Each was approaching retirement. Nora never thought the marriage would end in divorce when she signed a pre-nuptial agreement at Dennis’ request months before the wedding.
Challenges
Nora was financially unprepared for post-divorce life and the pre-nuptial agreement would not have allowed her to meet her current needs or retire in the foreseeable future. Although the marriage was ending, Nora valued her friendship with Dennis and was certain that a legal challenge to the pre-nuptial agreement would end their friendship, be expensive and probably not even be successful.
Solution/Value Added
Meeting with Dennis and his lawyer during the collaborative process, Nora and I learned that the pre-nuptial agreement would have resulted in numerous unintended financial consequences for Dennis. Nora, Dennis and both lawyers worked as a team with other professionals, including a mortgage lender and Dennis’ accountant. As a result, Nora qualified for preferential financing for the purchase and renovation of her dream home and was able to create a plan to jump start her business. Nora was able to focus on the renovation project and long term income production due to the short term alimony component of the settlement. The arrangement saved Dennis tens of thousands of dollars of income tax liability which he would have incurred under the pre-nuptial agreement and allowed him to keep business and personal finances private. To the satisfaction of both Nora and Dennis, they remain friends.
Overcoming Shock of Divorce to Achieve Personal Growth
Basic Facts
Charlie and Elizabeth, my client, were both in their early 50s. Charlie was a CEO. Elizabeth had been the complete corporate wife, homemaker, and mother to four children, two of whom were still residing at home. Charlie wanted the divorce.
Challenge
Charlie’s decision to divorce came as a complete shock to Elizabeth which caused her to distrust not only Charlie’s explanation of why he wanted the divorce but even more importantly, her own judgment. Elizabeth worried about the impact on all four of the children, wondered whether Charlie, whom she still loved, was suffering from an emotional breakdown, and feared for her financial future. Elizabeth felt her identity was being stolen, without her consent or control. This was potentially paralyzing.
Solution/Value Added
The mediation process enabled Elizabeth to gain some control over her life-her opinions, goals, and needs were as important as Charlie’s and the divorce would not be completed until she, as well as Charlie, was satisfied with the substantive outcome. With my confidential advice, guidance and support as her consulting attorney, as well as the trusted family accountant and family financial advisor, Elizabeth was able to competently and confidently participate in all aspects of the financial negotiations. Her success in the negotiation process translated to more confidence in herself generally and specifically helped her look forward to a different but still meaningful and happy post-divorce life.
Acknowledging and Respecting Cultural Values
Basic Facts
Ted and Barbara were both successful professionals and the parents of two young children. Ted wanted the divorce. My client, Barbara, did not.
Challenges
Barbara's culture did not accept divorce and any public disclosure of private family matters was shameful to her. To Barbara, Ted’s desire to divorce and have a relationship with the children independent of Barbara, was a challenge to her fitness as a wife and mother. Yet, Barbara and Ted needed to find a way to successfully co-parent two young children for many years.
Solution/Value Added
Rather than starting the legal divorce case immediately, Barbara worked extensively with a divorce coach to help prepare her to effectively participate in the collaborative divorce process. Barbara’s cultural values were respected throughout the collaboration. For example, the court file evidenced Barbara’s opposition to the divorce, and disclosed only minimal family information. By respectfully but zealously advocating for Barbara, I was able to develop a strong attorney client relationship with her and gain her trust and respect. The strength of this relationship allowed Barbara to hear and accept my advice even when it was inconsistent with her stated position.
Your Children and Divorce
Children Remain Your Children at Any Age
Basic Facts
Long term marriage. Three children, all young adults. Adult children and grandchildren from Dad’s prior marriage.
Challenges
Maintaining a positive relationship between Mom and Dad so that the extended family would not dissolve with the marriage, while maneuvering through difficult financial negotiations. Creating a financial arrangement which recognized and addressed important moral, but not legal, obligations which Mom, and especially Dad, felt toward extended family members.
Solution/Value Added
Rather than selling the family home, which a court would likely have ordered, Mom and Dad each made sacrifices and assumed certain financial risks. As a result, they maintained the home as the gathering place for the extended family as well as another property in which grandchildren resided.
Divorce as Opportunity for Mom and Dad to Become Co-Parents
Basic Facts
Mom had been the primary care giver to two elementary school age children. The divorce forced Dad to face that his parental role had been deteriorating year by year. Dad was afraid that as a result of the divorce, which he did not want, he would lose whatever relationship with the children remained.
Challenge
Creating a parenting plan by which Dad could rebuild his parental role and relationship with the children in a way that assured the children’s physical and emotional safety and well-being. While my client, Mom, shared Dad’s goal of successful co-parenting post-divorce, she was skeptical due to the marital history.
Solution/Value Added
Within the security of the collaborative divorce process, Dad was willing to acknowledge how his alcohol use had affected the entire family. Mom was then able to begin to be open to the possibility of a new post-divorce co-parenting relationship, one which, if successful, offered Mom many benefits. The focus turned from one of guilt and blame to problem solving from the children’s perspective, which included agreements around alcohol use, Dad rather than Mom remaining in the family home, and Mom residing doors away from Dad during a transition period.
Repairing Damaged Parent-Parent and Parent-Child Relationships
Basic Facts
Mom and Dad had worked wonderfully for years as a team raising their two children. But when Mom learned Dad had a girlfriend, their relationship with each other and the relationships of each parent with each child quickly deteriorated. The children’s lives became chaotic as they were drawn far too deeply into adult issues.
Challenges
Re-establishing a co-parent relationship when the relationship between Mom and Dad had become extremely volatile and combative. Repairing the parent-child relationships which were damaged by several unintentional but undeniably bad parental choices.
Solution/Value Added
As a neutral mediator rather than either Mom’s or Dad’s lawyer, I was able to offer strong constructive criticism and common sense advice to both parents. Because my delivery was genuine, non-judgmental and compassionate, Mom and Dad trusted me although they could not immediately trust each other. By highly structuring and managing the mediation process, Mom and Dad became accountable for their decisions and choices going forward. Focusing their energy on co-parenting and away from spousal conflict, they came together to create a child rather than adult focused parenting plan and financial arrangements.
Divorce for Successful Entrepreneurs and Executives
Executive Compensation and Need for Company and Personal Privacy
Basic Facts
Tom was a high level sales executive for a fortune 100 Company.
My client, Nancy, was a corporate wife, homemaker and stay at home mother to two pre-teens.
Challenge
On its face, the case needed extensive formal discovery. Tom’s compensation structure was complex, with salary being only one piece. In addition, Tom’s pre-divorce choices had jeopardized his continued employment while devastating and enraging Nancy. However, for the good of the entire family, financial and personal privacy was key.
Solution/Value Added
I assembled a team of collaborative professionals who modeled positive behavior and communications for Tom and Nancy. Working with the neutral financial professional experienced with executive compensation, Nancy received full financial disclosure and education. Sitting between me and the divorce coach at each team meeting enabled Nancy to make smart, well considered decisions for her future. Full settlement was achieved without the service of one subpoena or notice of one deposition.
Extensive Real Estate Holdings and Family Business
Basic Facts
My clients, Carl and Debra, were partners in a successful restaurant. They also owned and managed numerous commercial and residential properties, some of which were owned individually by each spouse, some by them jointly, one property by Debra along with her family members, and several others by limited liability companies in which either or both Carl and Debra were members.
Challenge/Goals
Maintaining a positive relationship between Carl and Debra so that they could continue their restaurant partnership after the divorce. Untangling the complex ownership structure of their real estate holdings while minimizing conveyance taxes, income taxes and other transaction costs.
Solution/Value Added
Rather than focusing on their failing marriage, we built on Carl and Debra’s relationship as successful business partners. Accustomed to making business decisions together, they jointly provided the picture of what they wanted their new post-divorce finances to look like. My partner, having a sophisticated real estate practice, then utilized his expertise to quickly implement Carl and Debra’s goals, while saving them thousands of dollars in taxes.
Fragile Spouse Jeopardizes Family Business
Basic Facts
Dom was founder and president of a manufacturer specializing in aerospace components for military and commercial use. Dom, my client, and Paula, had three teenage/college age children.
Challenge
Business privacy was our first challenge and Dom’s main objective – balancing the need for having a realistic sense of the business value and cash flow while protecting his customer specifications, contracts, and other valuable proprietary information.
We could not accomplish the first challenge unless we overcame the second – managing Paula’s volatility and irrationality due to untreated alcohol and substance abuse and mental illness.
Solution/Value Added
We teamed with a collaboratively trained CPA business valuation professional to obtain reliable business valuation and cash flow estimates. The estimates reflected Dom’s expectations about future business activity which would not necessarily have been part of a traditional forensic review. At Dom’s request, the professional did not prepare a formal written report, thereby limiting Paula’s intentional or inadvertent distribution of financial and proprietary information outside of the collaborative process. Because the professional was independent, jointly retained, and contractually prohibited from having a post-divorce relationship with either spouse, Paula trusted his results. As additional support for Paula, we formally included her mother as a stabilizing influence into the collaborative process.
Sale of Business During Divorce
Basic Facts
Long term marriage. Quincy was the founder and president of a high tech engineering business consisting of various related real estate entities, limited liabilities companies, and an S corporation. During the pendency of the divorce, Quincy entered into negotiations for the sale of the business, which negotiations might not be completed and sale closed, if at all, until months or years after the divorce from Carol had been finalized.
Challenge
My client, Quincy, needed flexibility and freedom to negotiate with his potential buyer, while Carol needed protection to ensure she received the benefit of any deal. Assessment of the value of the business was necessary for divorce property division purposes but disclosures of business finances could have adversely affected the business negotiations. The situation was complicated by the complex ownership structure of the related entities and deep animosity between Quincy and Carol.
Solution/Value Added
Sessions by the couple with a divorce coach early on in the collaborative process prepared them to work efficiently and less emotionally with their lawyers and each other. In addition, Quincy’s corporate attorney, a longtime friend and trusted advisor to the couple, played a key role in restructuring the ownership of the various business interests and creating a contractual relationship between Quincy and Carol that would survive the divorce and address any reasonably anticipated business sale or disposition. No business valuation or other financial information was disclosed in the public court file, which enabled Quincy to pursue the business sale in a way which would potentially benefit both Quincy and Carol.