July 6, 2026
Collaborative Moments-The Alimony Discussion
Alimony is often the most challenging divorce issue to discuss. Obviously it affects finances but there are also enormous emotions attached to the paying and receiving of alimony. Anger, resentment, retribution, regret are just a few. Fear sometimes drives both the person paying and the person receiving.
That’s why this particular moment from one collaborative case will be forever in my memory. It was a long term marriage, one middle school and one high school child. Decisions the couple made together over the years allowed the wife to focus on her career while husband’s was secondary. The income differential and potential differential was large.
We all decided to exchange alimony options at a four way meeting, something not unusual but not typical. To the surprise of both lawyers, the alimony option the wife presented provided for her to pay significantly more alimony than the option the husband presented. She was sincerely grateful for all he had sacrificed for her during the marriage. He didn’t want her to leave the marriage resenting him forever.
Both spouses opened their hearts and felt safe in the collaborative process knowing they didn’t need to make fake unreasonable proposals just so they would have someplace to negotiate from.
We completed the collaboration successfully. Both now former spouses and their collaborative attorneys left the courthouse together immediately after the court approved their agreement, a legal requirement at that time, and shared a beverage at a local bar.
« Back to all news