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Seven Tips for Divorcing Persons
Almost all persons facing divorce or the end of their civil union feel confused, overwhelmed, afraid, distrustful and angry. You can however choose and make the process more positive so that you can move forward with your life by following certain basic guidelines.
- CHOOSE YOUR ATTORNEY WISELY.
Ask friends and family members who have first hand experience in their own divorce about the attorney they used. Conduct web site research and collect brochures from several attorneys you may be interested in working with. Interview one or more potential lawyers – a consultation fee can be a wise investment both for what you will learn about your situation and for what you will learn about the attorney. Investigate your potential lawyer’s commitment to and experience with non adversarial dispute resolution processes such as mediation and collaborative practice. Does the lawyer have trial experience as well. Ask for a description of the office practices regarding returning telephone calls, scheduling flexibility and availability and caseload. Do not retain counsel without a written plain language fee agreement.
- EDUCATE YOURSELF.
Knowledge is empowering. Demand that your lawyer describe not only the traditional litigated divorce process but binding arbitration and alternate dispute resolution options such as mediation and emerging collaborative practice. Your lawyer should educate you about applicable laws and possible outcomes in your case. Ask your lawyer, the Connecticut Bar Association, divorce support groups, even the reference librarian at the local library to refer you to pamphlets, articles, books and videos from which you can learn about divorce. The internet can be a good source of information, as long as you are referring to a reputable site. Be cautious about acting on the “legal advice” of friends or family members, no matter how well intended.
- CAREFULLY CHOOSE THE LEGAL PROCESS THAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
In rare circumstances, traditional litigation is the only option for divorcing spouses. More often than not however, alternate dispute resolution processes such as mediation or collaborative practice will better fit the needs and objectives of the spouses and result in the “good divorce”. Do not miss the opportunity to pursue the process that is right for you.
- FOCUS ON GENUINE INTERESTS AND REASONABLE LEGAL OBJECTIVES.
Your divorce experience will be more positive and cost effective and the legal result more satisfactory if throughout your case, you work with your lawyer to identify and prioritize first, your genuine interests, and second, reasonable legal objectives. If you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement, the court will distribute marital property, divide income and determine custody and access to children in a way that may not satisfy the interests of either party. The court will not right, cure or compensate a spouse for all the perceived or real inequities and pain suffered throughout the marriage.
- PARTICIPATE ACTIVELY IN YOUR CASE.
No one knows about you or your children, family, finances and needs the way you do. You and your lawyer must work as a team. Your lawyer should provide legal advice, explain procedural aspects of your case and present available strategies and options. Ultimately you must decide which available strategies and options to follow and how much of your resources will be committed to pursuing a particular objective.
- BE A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR CHILDREN.
Children respond to the breakup of their family as well, or as poorly, as the spouses behave during, and after, the divorce. The unfortunate division of the family unit can be an opportunity for children to learn, from the example of their parents, strength, respect, tolerance and love for their parents and themselves.
- MAINTAIN SELF RESPECT AND DEMONSTRATE RESPECT TOWARD OTHERS INVOLVED IN THE DIVORCE PROCESS.
You will ultimately measure your degree of success in a divorce, not so much by the financial orders achieved, but by whether years later you will be proud of the way in which you maintained and demonstrated self-respect, grace, humility, humanity and a sense of humor.
Attorney Lisa J. Cappalli is experienced and qualified to assist you as a mediator, collaborative attorney, arbitrator, attorney for your child, guardian ad litem or litigation consultant. She focuses on family law and mediation, having represented clients in divorce and separation matters throughout the State of Connecticut. She utilizes her family law skills and experience by volunteering as a special master in various local courts as well as the Regional Family Trial Docket, where judges refer the most hotly contested cases in Connecticut. Attorney Cappalli earned her law degree in 1984 from Cornell Law School. She completed the American Bar Association's prestigious Family Law Trial Advocacy Institute and is a certified divorce mediator. She has participated in many hours of additional training in litigation as well as the newly emerging area of collaborative practice.
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